To Grandmother's House We Go
by Scarecrow314
Summary: It's always nice to visit family members during the summer...but the Koopa family isn't known for being nice. Buckle up for the most hectic car ride you'll ever have to endure!
"Dad, are we there yet?"

"Lemmy, we literally _just_ pulled out of the driveway," sighed Bowser Koopa Sr. to his second-eldest son, bracing himself for the hectic car ride to come as the Koopaling-laden minivan left the comparatively ominous castle. "We'll be at your grandma Kammy's in about an hour."

"An _hour_?!" groaned Lemmy, slumping down in his seat as far as his seatbelt would let him. "But that's almost _forever!_ "

"I don't even _wanna_ go to ol' stupid Kammy's house anyway," complained Roy loudly. "It's boring and there's nothin' to do except draw in a coloring book an' talk about how tall we got."

"You're gonna be on your best behavior or else," growled Bowser, although he seemed just as enthusiastic as Roy to see his old assistant again.

Larry shrugged passively. "I don't really mind the coloring books," he mumbled.

"You like colorin' books?" smirked Roy, raising his eyebrows incredulously. "HAH! What a dork! Coloring books are for _babies!_ …And Lemmy," he added, glancing towards the rainbow-haired Koopa (who was keeping himself amused by clicking his seat belt in and out of its slot).

"Lemmy, keep your seat belt on," ordered Bowser.

"But it's taking so _long_ ," moaned Lemmy. "This car ride is really boring."

"Well, _I've_ got a machine that can change that," chimed Iggy with a grin befitting of a Cheshire Cat. "We can go as fast as you like, Lemmy. As fast as the speed of sound, even."

"Really?" gasped Lemmy, his eyes full of wonder.

" _NO,_ Iggy," snapped Bowser before he could continue, "we are _not_ going to test your inventions in the car. Remember what happened last time we did that?"

"That mutant jellyfish spit is _still_ stuck in my hair from two weeks ago," grumbled Ludwig.

"That's not _my_ fault," scoffed Iggy dismissively. " _You_ shouldn't have been eating pizza in front of it."

"I think it looks fine if you squint your eyes _reeeally_ tight," offered Bowser Jr. "But you have to look at it from a certain angle."

"Thank you, Junior," said Ludwig drily.

"Daaa-d," whined Lemmy.

"I think you should wear a hat over it," suggested Morton. "I think you would look good in a hat. It would have to be pretty big to cover all that poofy hair. But not too big. And it has to be stylish, of course."

"Dad."

"Maybe you could get a top hat," continued Morton, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "It should be a really tall one. We should also get you a monocle, now that I think of it."

" _Dad."_

"That still seems a little plain, though," Morton rambled, much to Ludwig's chagrin. "What if it had a feather in it? Not one of those small ones, but a big poofy feather. Now that I think of it, maybe we should make that _two_ feathers…"

"DAD!"

"What is it, Lemmy?!" snapped Bowser angrily.

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes, Lemmy," quipped Ludwig sarcastically. "We're here. Right in the middle of the highway. Now everyone out of the car."

"Okay," piped Lemmy cheerfully as he opened the car door.

"I was being sarcastic!" yelled Ludwig in a panic, but the tiny Koopaling was already tumbling out of the car like a plastic bag blowing in the wind.

Ludwig held his breath in fear, his eyebrows furrowed as he searched desperately for his brother. To his and the rest of the Koopas' relief, Lemmy emerged from behind the car, waving jovially as if nothing had happened. Unfortunately, their relief soon melted away when they saw a Volkswagen Beetle coming towards the little Koopaling.

Bowser burst out of the car, stumbling towards the wall-eyed Koopaling. "Get in the car! Get in the car!" the Koopalings screamed, flailing their arms frantically in the air in a futile attempt to get Lemmy's attention.

Meanwhile, Lemmy only smiled daftly at his panicked family, apparently unaware of the car speeding towards him. "They're waving back," he giggled childishly. "They're so nice to me!"

All at once the car sped past where Lemmy once was, and Bowser's heart nearly stopped.

"Hey!"

Bowser turned around at the familiar squeaky voice of his son to see a magnificent rainbow mane peeking out from the roof of the Volkswagen.

"Is that…?" Bowser murmured in disbelief.

"Lemmy's on top of the car! Lemmy's on top of the car!" Iggy chanted and giggled manically as the rest of the Koopa family simply stared with their mouths agape, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Follow that car!" Bowser roared suddenly, leaping back into the driver's seat. He slammed a scaled foot furiously onto the gas pedal, sending the crowded vehicle careening through the road like a racehorse as fast as the speed limit would let him go.

"That car is too fast," observed Morton. "Should we go faster?"

"Morton, there's a speed limit, we can't – "

"I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK!" cackled Iggy wildly. He typed some numbers into a keyboard that had appeared on the arm of his seat, babbling to himself excitedly. All of a sudden, the arm retracted and was replaced with a large red lever, which Iggy pulled wholeheartedly. Before anyone could ask anything, two airplane wings appeared on the side of the minivan, and they all took to the air.

"Ladies and gentle-Koopas, this is Iggy Koopa, your chief flight attendant. Welcome aboard Iggy Air –"

"IGGY!" Bowser yanked the bespectacled Koopa up by his carrot-like hair until they were face to face. "What is going on?!"

"My latest and greatest invention, that's what," preened Iggy, gesturing grandiosely. "We'll never have to go to an airport again!"

"But how do we make it stop?" cried Larry.

"We don't," shrugged Iggy. "We just wait for it to –"

 _CRASH!_

The plane/minivan had veered sideways the moment Bowser had let go of the steering wheel, and was now lying in ruins on the side of the road.

"My car!" cried Bowser. His crimson eyes flashed towards the manic Koopaling, who giggled nervously under Bowser's murderous gaze. However, whatever plans Bowser had for his son were interrupted by a grating voice coming from behind him.

"So, it looks like you did decide to visit me after all," croaked a short, elderly Magikoopa with short, grey hair and a rose-colored robe. "Or are you just going out to stop that Mario again?"

" _Kammy?_ " Bowser looked up in disbelief. Behind the Magikoopa was Lemmy Koopa, his eternal smile still present.

"You'd better believe it's me," she said, adjusting a pair of triangular glasses as she looked beratingly at the Koopa king. "And you left your son on the street, apparently. I found him on top of my car. You're so irresponsible!"

Bowser gaped, bewildered by the whole situation. "But he –"

"And why don't you ever come to visit me?" demanded the motherly Koopa. "You haven't come over in months! And have you defeated that Mario yet? I've never heard of a royal Koopa who still has their nemesis running about as long as you have! Twenty-nine years, your Evilness…"

As she continued to berate the groaning King, Roy folded his arms with a smirk. "That's our Kammy, alright."


End file.
